Greensburg Daily News, Greensburg, IN

Columns

September 12, 2013

Ah, the benefits of geezerism

It had to finally happen.

One fateful morning you fall out of bed, stumble to the bathroom, turn on the light and recoil in horror at the sight that greets you in the mirror. Staring back through bloodshot eyes is an apparition of something so ancient that it had a pet dinosaur and dirt was edible (This is for the men only. You ladies will always be beautiful). A stubble of scruffy growth covers the lower face under a tangle of graying hair.

You slide your bifocals onto your nose to help in finding your dentures and the scene gets worse.

Now the bags under your eyes and sagging cheek jowls stand out like white wall tires on a school bus.

To make matters worse, the mirror covers half the wall, revealing what effects gravity has on the human body from the waist up.

In an attempt to salvage at least part of this disaster, you will probably try to make a muscle by flexing a bicep, only to have what little muscle is left fall below the arm like a wrinkled limp grocery bag. In spite of this dismal scene, all is not lost.

Perk up!

You have just become a member of an elite club, a social order that demands respect and admiration, one that says “I have arrived!” You are now officially a GEEZER!

Along with the title comes a number of freedoms and kudos not normally accepted in other levels of society. You’ve fought through the battles of the teenage years, struggled to get a good education, endured the boredom of a dull profession while helping to raise a family, tried to stay more or less out of debt, finally kicked your 35-year-old kid out of the house, and after a long, grueling struggle against the rest of the world, retired.

Text Only
Columns
  • Spaulding Outdoors: The Inside on Indiana's Outside Nature’s BountyOur daughters were raised in the country and definitely couldn’t be considered “citified” children. Not with Dad around! From the time I was a little boy, I learned there are a lot of good things coming from the wild, and I set about e

    July 29, 2014

  • Word of advice So, what’s the word?Really, what is the word? With over 250,000 words in the English language, you’d think there would be a word for just about everything. Not so. Therefore, I am on a crusade to find a term for some everyday occurrences for which th

    July 29, 2014

  • 9/11 Commission chair scolds Congress for national security failures INDIANAPOLIS – Retired Congressman Lee Hamilton has warned of the perils of political ideology, calling the body where he spent 34 years “noxiously partisan.” Now, he worries the divide is downright dangerous. A co-chairman of the 9/11 Commission, Ha

    July 29, 2014

  • Brian Howey: Rising up to meet Putin's thuggery BLOOMINGTON – Any illusions I had about the progressive nature of the Vladimir Putin’s Russian regime quickly dissipated when I returned to my Moscow Grand Marriott room in August 2007. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with the spectacle of my pa

    July 29, 2014

  • Pat Smith: A reader's special note Before beginning this week’s column it must be stressed that I love getting emails from readers, love getting telephone calls from readers and love seeing readers when I’m out and about – especially those who very generously tell me that they read th

    July 24, 2014

  • Spaulding Outdoors: The Inside on Indiana's Outside Early Migratory Bird 2014 Season Dates The 2014 early migratory bird season dates have been submitted to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service by the Indiana DNR as listed below. The dates are not final until the USFWS approves them, which typically hap

    July 24, 2014

  • Why incumbents get reelected Incumbents are masters at posing as outsiders, when in fact they are insiders who produce the Congress they disdain. It’s no news that Congress is unpopular. In fact, at times it seems like the only real novelty on Capitol Hill would be a jump in its

    July 24, 2014

  • Lessons from the largely forgotten war As we approach the official date on which the First World War started, July 28, 1914, when the first shots were fired by the Austro-Hungarians who invaded Serbia, it’s appropriate to think about the lessons that catastrophic event has taught us one h

    July 24, 2014

  • Protecting Indiana's agricultural heritage With the 4-H fairs in full swing, I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about agriculture. Since Indiana became a state back in 1816, agriculture has played a vital role in our livelihood. For those who are not from Indiana, our state is practica

    July 22, 2014

  • Improving Indiana's infrastructure It is always a happy time when my family visits, especially to celebrate a wedding. I recently played hostess for my niece and her wedding party when she was looking for somewhere to hold her rehearsal dinner. I absolutely enjoy when family comes to

    July 22, 2014