Greensburg Daily News, Greensburg, IN

Columns

September 12, 2013

Ah, the benefits of geezerism

It had to finally happen.

One fateful morning you fall out of bed, stumble to the bathroom, turn on the light and recoil in horror at the sight that greets you in the mirror. Staring back through bloodshot eyes is an apparition of something so ancient that it had a pet dinosaur and dirt was edible (This is for the men only. You ladies will always be beautiful). A stubble of scruffy growth covers the lower face under a tangle of graying hair.

You slide your bifocals onto your nose to help in finding your dentures and the scene gets worse.

Now the bags under your eyes and sagging cheek jowls stand out like white wall tires on a school bus.

To make matters worse, the mirror covers half the wall, revealing what effects gravity has on the human body from the waist up.

In an attempt to salvage at least part of this disaster, you will probably try to make a muscle by flexing a bicep, only to have what little muscle is left fall below the arm like a wrinkled limp grocery bag. In spite of this dismal scene, all is not lost.

Perk up!

You have just become a member of an elite club, a social order that demands respect and admiration, one that says “I have arrived!” You are now officially a GEEZER!

Along with the title comes a number of freedoms and kudos not normally accepted in other levels of society. You’ve fought through the battles of the teenage years, struggled to get a good education, endured the boredom of a dull profession while helping to raise a family, tried to stay more or less out of debt, finally kicked your 35-year-old kid out of the house, and after a long, grueling struggle against the rest of the world, retired.

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