Greensburg Daily News, Greensburg, IN


November 21, 2013

Facing my technological ignorance on the path to the future


My definition: A device used to break up dirt clods in a plowed field being pulled by a John Deere tractor.

RAM: Actual definition - Random Access Memory

My definition: A large male member of the goat family.

CD-ROM: Actual definition - Compact Disc-Read Only Memory.

My definition: Calm Down - Return to Old Methods

HTML: Actual definition - (I still have no idea).

My definition: Holy Toledo! Mother-in-Law! when greeted at the door by a visitor with a suitcase.

Adding insult to injury, just as I was feeling a little comfortable with turning the thing on and off, a smart aleck named Bill Gates came along and dropped a rock in my churn with something called “Windows.”

Since then I’ve had to learn the purpose of those goofy looking icons while getting hopelessly lost in a maize that ends up at a site that my mama used to whip me for looking at. She would tear certain sections out of the Sears and Roebuck catalog to keep me from going down the path of shame and perdition, yet even Bubba’s Used Electric Motor Emporium web site has a purty, scantily clad young thing in its online ad. Well, yeah, I specified a lot of Bubba’s motors in my projects, but only because he sold good used motors.

In desperation, I decided to do things systematically in learning how to use Windows. I would control, evaluate, assimilate, integrate, and delegate (I just threw that in to sound like I know what I’m doing). Eventually, I learned the ins and outs of navigating through Windows. That is, until they released a new version which obsoleted all the programs I normally used for the old one.

I’ve since had to re-learn at least five newer versions in order to be compatible with my clients (all who insist on using the latest version). But the biggest conflict in the war of man vs. machine came when, after entering a command, the thing popped the following message on the screen: “Do you really want to do this?” How dare this mindless hunk of electronic gadgetry question my decision making prowess. Not until I realized that yelling at it wouldn’t make a difference did I type in my response. I can’t include that response here, but the machine got revenge by deleting part of my program. Lucky for it, it didn’t display “I told You So.” If it had, the subject material beyond this point would have been nothing more than an obituary for a Compac Presario computer.

Text Only
  • Five Decades of 'Progress “Political polarization,” “divided government” and “Washington gridlock” have been on the rise for the last 15 years. Public calls for compromise and de-emphasis on centralized government stand out in public opinion polls; yet, nothing changes, and t

    July 31, 2014

  • Governor Pence addresses President regarding unaccompanied children Dear President Obama,I am writing to express my profound concern about the federal government’s mishandling of the present crisis of unaccompanied children crossing the nation’s Southern border by the tens of thousands. The federal government has not

    July 31, 2014

  • Now why didn't I think of that? According to the dictionary definition, repurpose means “ to change or adapt something so it can be used for a purpose other than its original intent.” As one of the many who spend their free time “repurposing,” I like to think of it as bringing new

    July 31, 2014

  • Getting on with the program Now that the fair has been written in the history book, it’s time to get on to more Extension Homemaker News. But first, I would like to extend thanks to Eileen Fisse for the wonderful job she did for the Open Class exhibits. The building looked nice

    July 30, 2014

  • Pat Smith: An actor's life Chances are that Ben Tebbe would have been successful anyhow but it’s refreshing that he remembers who gave him a chance. No doubt, Karen (Clemenson) Hoak would have been proud of what he has accomplished since she gave him a part in a Tree County Pl

    July 30, 2014

  • Spaulding Outdoors: The Inside on Indiana's Outside Nature’s BountyOur daughters were raised in the country and definitely couldn’t be considered “citified” children. Not with Dad around! From the time I was a little boy, I learned there are a lot of good things coming from the wild, and I set about e

    July 29, 2014

  • Word of advice So, what’s the word?Really, what is the word? With over 250,000 words in the English language, you’d think there would be a word for just about everything. Not so. Therefore, I am on a crusade to find a term for some everyday occurrences for which th

    July 29, 2014

  • 9/11 Commission chair scolds Congress for national security failures INDIANAPOLIS – Retired Congressman Lee Hamilton has warned of the perils of political ideology, calling the body where he spent 34 years “noxiously partisan.” Now, he worries the divide is downright dangerous. A co-chairman of the 9/11 Commission, Ha

    July 29, 2014

  • Brian Howey: Rising up to meet Putin's thuggery BLOOMINGTON – Any illusions I had about the progressive nature of the Vladimir Putin’s Russian regime quickly dissipated when I returned to my Moscow Grand Marriott room in August 2007. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with the spectacle of my pa

    July 29, 2014

  • Pat Smith: A reader's special note Before beginning this week’s column it must be stressed that I love getting emails from readers, love getting telephone calls from readers and love seeing readers when I’m out and about – especially those who very generously tell me that they read th

    July 24, 2014