Greensburg Daily News, Greensburg, IN

Entertainment

March 13, 2014

Dan Graves: Genus Floridanus

While the Midwest suffered a record breaking winter of snow and cold, we, like rats abandoning a sinking ship, packed the wagon, hitched the mules and headed south, joining the rest of the scrabbling horde known as snow birds on their annual migration.

For years, I’ve been aware of this species but have never had a desire to join them. I visualized them as a flock of wimps who are using a few winter months in the tropics as an excuse to avoid their responsibility of shoveling the driveway and replacing frozen water pipes, just as the rest of us have to do. After all, isn’t that the accepted fate of all who live in the snow belt? Why should a select few be allowed to shirk their duties while the rest of us perform our sworn duty of whining and cursing Mother Nature as the radiators on our vehicles freeze solid.

So, as a public duty to those of us who normally remain in our frigid prison, Judy and I decided to follow those traitors and study their movements in their winter habitat. To distinguish between the native species of birds and these migratory snow bird types, it is necessary to describe its chosen habitat and physical characteristics.

Genus: Elderus Winter Hightailius:

Description: Normally characterized as being somewhat advanced in age, often between 65 and 105 years. Incapable of flight except by commercial airlines, the species travels by a number of means, the most popular being large motorized homes and goose-necked trailers (unrelated to the species, Canadian Goose) or by automobile. If travelling by automobile, advanced living arrangements are made in condominiums usually found along either eastern or western shorelines of the chosen state.

For those with trailers or motor homes, special parks are available. These parks go by rather fancy names, such as Sea View Manor, Pelican Landing, or Sea Gull Haven. Those utilizing the condo’s pay exorbitant monthly prices, sometimes exceeding the annual income of the average New York cab driver. These are the birds who have their Ferrari’s and Porsche’s shipped to their destinations as primary forms of local transportation. Studies have been conducted to determine why those who prefer trailer parks will purchase motor homes for $250,000 and yet scoff at spending $5000 monthly on beach side condos.

Text Only
Entertainment
  • :Sex Tape" movie poster Movie preview: “Sex Tape”

    Plot: Though they’re still very much in love, ten years and two kids have cooled the passion for Jay and Annie. To spice up their relationship, they decide to make a home video of themselves.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • "Planes: Fire and Rescue" movie poster Movie preview: “Planes: Fire and Rescue”

    Plot: When world-famous air racer Dusty learns that his engine is damaged and he may never race again, he must shift gears and is launched into the world of aerial firefighting.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • "The Purge: Anarchy" movie poster Movie preview: “The Purge: Anarchy”

    Plot: A defenseless young couple find themselves stranded in the city on the one night of the year that all crime, including murder, is legal, in this self-contained sequel to the 2013 sleeper hit.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • 'Apes' sequel best summer blockbuster thus far I promise Andy will be returning soon, but anyhow, I’ll be taking a solo look at one of the more anticipated blockbusters of the summer, Dawn of the Planet of Apes (PG-13).Taking place 10 years after the events of Rise of the Planet of the Apes, “Daw

    July 17, 2014

  • New arrivals at library Translation to XTAGS failed

    July 17, 2014

  • New arrivals at library New items at the Greensburg-Decatur County Library can be found and reserved at greensburglibrary.org/books.BiographiesThe Phantom of Fifth Avenue by Meryl GordonKitty Genovese by Kevin CookSidelined by Chuck PaganoFantasyThe High Druid’s Blade by Te

    July 12, 2014

  • "Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes" movie poster Movie preview: “Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes”

    Plot: A growing nation of genetically evolved apes led by Caesar is threatened by a band of human survivors of the devastating virus unleashed a decade earlier.

    July 10, 2014 1 Photo

  • "Snowpiercer" movie poster Movie preview: “Snowpiercer”

    Plot: In a future where a failed global-warming experiment kills off all life on the planet, the few left alive have boarded the Snowpiercer, a train that travels non-stop around the globe while a class system evolves.

    July 10, 2014 1 Photo

  • ent-gb071014 Movie Boys review pic 'Tammy' one of the worst films of the year With Andy expected back next week, I’ll be taking a solo look this week at Melissa McCarthy’s latest vehicle, Tammy (R). In the movie, McCarthy plays a down-on-her-luck middle-aged person who goes on a road trip of sorts with her grandma (Susan Saran

    July 10, 2014 1 Photo

  • ent-gb071014-special reflections pic 1 Art on the Square Gallery featuring 'Special Reflections' this month GREENSBURG – For the month of July, Art on the Square Gallery, 114 E. Washington Street, Greensburg, is pleased to present a show of photography and art work done by clients at Developmental Services, Inc. “Special Reflections” features oil paintings

    July 10, 2014 2 Photos