Greensburg Daily News, Greensburg, IN

December 5, 2013

Truth in advertising?

By Pat Smith
Greensburg Daily News

Greensburg — I don’t know how to tell you this, but advertisements are not always totally straight with us.

OK, I’m confident they are today but that surely wasn’t the case in the old days. I mean, really! A tapeworm to lose weight or a Santa smoking cigarettes? And get this: cocaine was touted as great for toothaches and cola was good for babies. Below are the words to a bunch of old-time ads that are hard to believe today.

There was a time when women wanted to gain weight? Yes and if they drank this ionized yeast they would: “Men wouldn’t look at me when I was skinny but since I gained 10 pounds this new easy way I have all the dates I want.”

Beware of Laboratory tests: A picture of a baby drinking a soda from the bottle from The Soda Pop Board of America, Chicago Ill: “For a better start in life start cola earlier. How soon is too soon. Not soon enough. Laboratory tests over the last few years have proven that babies who start drinking soda during the early formative period have a much higher chance of gaining acceptance and fitting in during those awkward pre teen and teen years. So do yourself a favor. Do your child a favor. Start them on a strict regimen of sodas and other surgery carbonated beverages right now, for a lifetime of guaranteed happiness.”

In 1950 you were to believe that television would be good for children. Motorola, leader in television, proved how TV could mean better behavior at home and better marks in school! Home Sweet TV Home. Gets homework done promptly! Television strengthens family ties?

How about a firearm for Christmas? “Isn’t it time you gave yourself a Christmas gift? While you’re making everybody happy do a good job and include yourself! Give yourself a present you’ve probably wanted for years, a fine Colt handgun. Whether you’re a target shooter or a plinker, there’s a Colt made especially for you, and you’ll take a very special pride in owning it. Pride too in calling your shots, time after time, with a Colt...”

Hard to believe that this was actually an ad: “This gift does everything but cook. That’s what wives are for.”

Cocaine toothache drops: Instantaneous Cure! Price 15-cents.Instaneous cure! Prepared by the Lloyd Manufacturing Co. Registered March 1885. Sold in all pharmacies.

Kitchen appliances: Dormeyer. “Wives, look this ad over carefully. Circle the items you want for Christmas. Show it to your husband. If he does not go to the store immediately, cry a little. Not a lot. Just a little. He’ll go. He’ll go.”

For Kellogg’s Pep cereal the ad states: “See? The harder a wife works the cuter she looks!”

For a vitamin company: Man says, “Gosh honey, you seem to thrive on cooking, cleaning and dusting and I’m all tuckered out by closing time. What’s the answer?” She says, “Vitamins, darling. I always get my vitamins.”

One ad showed a man blowing smoke in a woman’s face: Blow in her face and she’ll follow you anywhere. Hit her with tangy Tipalet Cherry or rich grape tipalet Burgundy or luscious tiplet blueberry..Smokers of America do yourself a favor. Make your next cigarette a Tipalet.

“Eat, eat, eat and always stay thin. No diet, no exercise, Fat, the enemy that is shortening your life, banished. How? With sanitized tape worms jar packed, easy to swallow.”

Beer good for babies? “Pick up a case of Blatz Beer. It means much to the young mother and obviously baby participates in its benefits. The malt in the beer supplies nourishing qualities that are essential at this time and the hops act as an appetizing, stimulating tonic.”

“More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette! The doctor’s choice is America’s choice. For 30 days test Camels in your T zone. T for throat, T for taste.”  Santa Claus was pictured smoking in ads for Camels and Lucky Strikes.

Before those easy open cans: “Someday all beer cans will open this easy. Now only Schlitz brings you coast to coast the world’s easiest opening beer can, the new aluminum softop can. Real gusto real easy.”

In 1918 Watkins advertised a shampoo of “mulsified coconut oil.”

Ponds Extract and vanishing cream from 1907 - use their product because studies had shown that society women use it. That’s how they keep their skin so young looking.

After seeing those ads, I now wonder – will that face cream that promises to make me look 10 years younger really work?